so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize