in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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