drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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