remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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