Whoa Z and x make the same sound
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Maybe he injected his testicle?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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