Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
