Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
