Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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