The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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