I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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