I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
