Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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