we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
