dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize