ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
