His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
