yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
