I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
