how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
