I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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