you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
