I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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