And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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