Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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