we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
