she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i came on her dog
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
