so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
