Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Of course I have a pirate flag
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
