she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
