Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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