Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
