Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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