Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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