i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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