:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
