Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
