is your mom at the bar?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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