I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
