Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
