This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
