My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
