What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
