Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Liz is crying about burritos again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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