I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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