Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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