I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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