Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
