I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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