WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
