Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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