you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
