she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
