When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we're making bets on your personal life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
