life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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