he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You were trust falling into bushes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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