I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
