The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
