I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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