You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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