I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
