By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
