I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
