So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
