i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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