So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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