I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize