Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
