But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
